Self-Care: A Priority When Caring For Others

Felicia Byrd
May 17, 2019
4 min read

Motherhood

As we just celebrated the single day set aside to appreciate one of the hardest jobs on the planet, I’ve been reflecting on the path of motherhood. How it morphs and changes and transitions from one phase to another. Mothers should, of course, be celebrated every day as the investment they make into each of us, into our society as a whole, is immense.

Seasons Of Change

It seems like yesterday that I was up early getting kids off to school, helping with homework, carpooling and chauffeuring to sporting events, dance classes and preparing meals. These and all sorts of daily activities exhausted me and I looked for ways to recharge. Like most moms, I struggled constantly to find ways to take a break and to focus on self-care.

Now that my children are adults, I find myself looking after another loved one. This time the feet don’t run around, and there are no carpools or nightly homework challenges, but there is emotional fatigue. As our parents age, we find ourselves eventually having to step in to look after their daily needs. It’s often difficult having to switch roles, more so for the parent rather than the adult child, especially when the parent has been self-sufficient for many years. While challenging, it can also be rewarding. There can be a positive bonding experience when you nurture and create an inter-generational bond with the entire family as you make a difference in your parent’s life as they age.

The Importance of Self-Care

In each season of care, I have found there to be a truth that is so counter intuitive it is hard to swallow. With each phase of responsibility to love and care for others, there is a need to invest in our own self-care. It is a hard discipline to follow, yet a rewarding one for ourselves and those we love. On the surface, ensuring self-care is a priority could be viewed as a selfish act. That focusing on one’s own being would deplete what we are able to give others. Yet, the opposite is true. When we spend time caring for ourselves, we are not depleted but instead refreshed and replenished, and available to serve those we love. We come away from our moments of self-care with a lighter countenance, with more focus, and greater patience. We are often happier, calmer, and even more loving.

It’s okay to “miss out” on that ladies night or skip that promising networking opportunity so we can be there for our loved ones (I’ve had to do that many times). When you think about it, it’s quite a short season in the grand scheme of our lives. We must cherish the memories being made and realize them for the brief moments they are!

Guilt

There is an underlying theme of guilt that we find tugging at us through each of these moments when we are caring for others. “Mom guilt,” applies to us when we are caring for our own parents as well. Are we losing patience? Should we have said that sentence differently? How could we have taken that Friday evening off to go meet with girlfriends, when our loved ones need us by their side!? But truly, the guilt is unproductive. It does nothing but drown us in a circle of repeating pattern where we wonder if we should or should not have said this or that, question our intentions, beat ourselves up, on and on.

We MUST stop the cycle and take time to step back and rejuvenate. We must do this or we become less effective in our care. Our energy, which fuels the love, patience, gentle words, and quality time, is depleted. Suddenly, we are running on fumes and our care is less than optimal. It is so important to schedule time for self-care, and to ignore those creeping suggestions of guilt.

How I Pursue Self-Care

For me, the discipline of self-care often involves a movie and/or some home spa treatments! I use many products that contain lavender scents. For my bath, Violettes de Parme Bubble Bath in Lavender Geranium, (available at World Market.) For a relaxing shower, Bath and Body Works Aromatherapy “Sleep” body wash in Lavender and Cedarwood, followed by the same in body lotion. The ambiance of my spa treatment includes turning down the lights and using DW Home’s “Relax” votive candles in Lavender and Chamomile scent (found at Home Goods.) I must also have music playing, usually Smooth Jazz sounds!

What Works For You?

Find what works for you to recharge. Discover the moment, whether it is a 20-minute jog, walk, or yoga, or even a few hours in your garden or yard. Pay close attention to how you feel afterwards and learn to schedule that time within your day, week or month. You will thank you, and so will your loved ones!